Holiday? I hate stay at home...

    Holiday should be happy and relax, but for me isn't. 

    Holiday do nothing, no money, no freedom...

    Find a fren to yumcha also difficult...

    I'm not happy. Reason? there is no reason. I just don't like this feeling, i don't like to stay at home.

    I feel stress at home...I can't actually describe my feeling, why i'm stress? why i'm not happy? i don't now...

    Maybe i don't know how to faced with my parent? I can't stand my parent talk this talk that, keep repeat and repeat...made me felt annoyed ah....when i stayed at home, mum said me always play computer game, always online, always blablabla...  hello, u don't give me freedom ok!? When i go out, you all said i'm always went out... hello, i went out with friend less than 5 times a years, watched less than 10 movie a year... Hello, others ppl can watch movie once a week ok, i'm not going to compare with other, but i just cant understand why? Why don't you all let me do that? Don't ngam me la, so sienz de leh... Money matter....i'm want go work, then you give me many reason...enough liao ok, imma mad! don't give me those fucking reason. I'm not kids pls....and my mum keep asking me: "you not said u want work at de meh?", I...speechless...now is yr husband don't let me to work =.='' ...keep asking , like put salt on the top of scar you know ? =.='' 

    
    I get your permission 1st before go out, i respect you all, you said no, then no lo....as a daughter, i try to listen to parent, i respect u all. They don't wrong, i didn't blame them...but i really feel hard and not happy. Parent will quarrel...mum will quarrel becuz of money, adult are complicated. and yet i know since im a kid, man and women have big different...man love silent, man don't like women keep talk talk n talk...ngam ngam ngam... but women like man to talk, they need man's concern and attraction. This is the conclusion that i learnt form my parent =.='' And thats why my parent always quarrel in this situation. My mum keep talk, my dad keep silent... wat de...and made me feel ....so annoy la my mum =.= '' I know, before this, im always take sides with my dad, i always prefer with my dad, not only me, my brother also...cuz my mum always talk non sense.... she dont even listen form other...she always think she are the 1 who always correct... But now, i feel i can't stand with my dad also, he getting annoying... i'm not blame them, i just feel a lot of things in my heart and made me feel stress, i dunno how to speak it out and that's why i try to write. Sometimes i have conflict with them, i'm not suppose to argue to them i know, but if i don't argue,  i keep it.. i feel i'm innocent and not happy, and that's why i always think... it is better when i'm not at home..for the peace... 

    No one to blame...and i don't know how to change this situation also. 

    Holiday gonna end....19th college reopen. can't wait aldy... study let me busy a bit rather than do nothing and rotted at house. Put me on the normal track ASAP! I can't stand anymore!!!!! 

    I'm 19 years old now.

    Yesterday my birthday, but didn't celebrate. Don't ask me celebrate or not =.='' all ppl busy, parent didn't celebrate my birthday since i'm kids. My house didn't have the tradition to celebrate birthday. And i aldy get used to it. Now thinking...what to celebrate? celebrate myself getting old? haha~ 

    Getting old and have to learn how to faced with lonely...

    Hmm, for the special one, i guess i'm think too much. Emo 0.o''

    I scare....

    Can't let you know... >.<

    dislike this feeling but it come naturally o.o''

    Just can be a friend...and remain this situation forever...i'm not dare to step out...i scare awkward...i scare we can't be friend after that...i can't lose a friend like you... 

PS: 2nd time use english to blogging 0.o'' ignore grammar mistake... 

Teng

12:51 AM

17 Sept 2011